Sunday, April 26, 2009

There is absolutely a kinetic energy in Los Angeles. It's this indescribable feeling somewhere between anxiety and excitement that gets you out of bed in the morning. Its one of the many reasons I love this city. I draw most of my inspiration from the late nights and early mornings when the city falls quite. The lines between hope and despair get blurred and what you're left with is this vortex where anything seems possible. At least, that what I get out of it.

There is no other place in the world like Los Angeles and chances are you won't find many people that feel indifferent to it...they either love or hate it. Nothing here is easy, no one gives you a guide book of "how to's", there is always traffic, downtown really isn't the center of the city, public transportation sucks and if you're not careful you could be eaten alive. Then there are the obvious things that make LA great...the weather, the endless choices of restaurants, the beach, the fact that you can drive 5 minutes and be in a completely different part/mindset of town, the shopping, the 24 grocery stores (im obsessed with grocery stores!!!), the PCH, concerts, local farmers markets, etc., I could go on and on! Me, I fucking love this city and everything about it. Its changed me as a person and it constantly keeps me guessing. I've learned to love and live for uncertainty. Actually, I thrive on it. And no matter how scary it is, I don't want to know what's gonna happen tomorrow because I want to be surprised.

Another thing about LA is that it has this gravitational pull that connects similar energies to one another. Because of it I've been lucky enough to meet some of the most wonderful people in the world. All of the friends I've made in LA are so dear to my heart. I consider them family and they're probably one of the main reasons I love it here so much. I had a conversation with a good friend the other day about how life is more than a journey, it's also about the people you meet along the way. Clearly not all of your encounters are going to be pleasant ones but I think you have to have those to learn lessons and become stronger as a person. If life was all roses and champange we wouldn't appreciate shit.

You can't really explain the city of angels to people who don't live here. To most it's just where Hollywood resides and where everything is fake. Yes, it does possess those things but there is so much more. I don't think my family really gets my life here, so I've let it go. They still think one of these days I'm gonna come to my senses or maybe even give college another go. Don't get me wrong, I adore my family and they're always loving and supportive but I hear the conversations..."When is she gonna get a real job with some health insurance?" The answer to that..."A quarter to NEVER!!!" That is one great thing about getting older, you decide how to live your life. Personally, I think my life kicks ass! Sure I wish my career was further ahead and I owned a house but I'll get there eventually. Always be happy but never satisfied, because when you're satisfied, you stop striving for more. And in this city, I want it all!

Saturday, April 25, 2009

Here goes nothing.

I've pretty much been petrified of writing as long as I can remember. As soon as I would get a writing assignment in school my question would always be "what if I can sum it up in less pages than the minimum?" It literally kept me up at night. What the hell will I say and who cares anyway?

I think part of my fear come from the fact that I don't read nearly as much as I should and because of it my vocabulary is lacking. I wish that when I was younger, if my parents had been able to force me to do anything, it would have been to read more and take dance class (I still fantasize about being a dancer). That being said I've decided to give this writing thing a chance. My friends seem to think it will be therapeutic as well as help me get in touch with all the feelings I've been repressing for the 29 years I've been alive.

I've come to the conclusion that going through your 20's might be the most amazing and fucking confusing time of your life. You're in this really weird place where you're trying figure who you are, what you want, where you're going, where you've been and no one seems to have any of the answers you're looking for. Its crazy that on a daily basis I'm still learning things about myself I didn't know. I mean, how do I not know myself? One of the things I do know is that I'm the person who has to fall flat on my face and slide into the next wall before I really learn my lesson. Yes of course I know the fire is hot but I still need to stick my hand in it to make sure. So I guess in a sense, this blog is to help me stay on the path to figuring it all out. Enjoy.